Scars
by snchills
Summary: Some scars are external while others are carried forever internally. Weechesters. Hurt John with Dean and Sammy angst.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Some scars are external while others are carried forever inside. It's 1992 and something is about to happen to the Winchesters that will change their world forever, even if it's not apparent for many years to come. Hurt John with Dean and Sammy angst.

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John didn't like it. Sammy had had his cold now for over a week and it didn't seem to be going away. Dean did his best to try and keep the 9 year old occupied but even he was at his wits end trying to entertain his little brother. Worse yet were the endless days of cold wet weather they were currently having. John had already pushed his hunt back a few days waiting for the weather to clear up and each day it rained made him more anxious to get it done and over with.

Their research was just about done. Their weapons were ready. Damn it if the sky would just cooperate and give them a break from all this stupid rain.

John was in a foul mood once again.

Once again he turned on the local news and watched for the weather forecasts. _Sure_ the one year Colorado wasn't in a drought situation was the one year he needed to dispatch a spirit at a campground in Colorado State Park. Lady Luck was sure being a bitch and one day he was determined to get her back. He checked the skies once more time before returning to clean and load his weapons for the millionth time.

Dean alternated between keeping his brother occupied and keeping his father from chucking it all and heading off into the storm.

"Dad, you won't be able to light the bones if they're all wet now will you?" He asked logically when John said 'screw it lets get going'.

John just muttered some obscenity and went back to his research. Dean rolled his eyes and turned to find his brother wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"Jesus, Sammy that's disgusting." Dean said swatting Sammy's sleeve away from his face.

"We're out of Kleenex Dean." Sammy said with a stuffed nose and a scratchy throat.

"I know, here just use this. Dad will go to the store later I promise" Dean said grabbing the last roll of toilet paper for the 9 year old to use to wipe his nose. Sammy looked up at Dean with appreciation before sneezing and wiping his nose again.

"Dad we need to go to the store, Sammy here needs some more medicine." Dean said a little while later, when Sammy went back to lie down. "Plus were out of Kleenex."

"Can't it wait I'm busy." John answered without taking is eyes off the book he was reading.

"He's using toilet paper and that was our last roll." Dean figured if it was going to inconvenience his father he might get him to forgo the research for a moment and take them to the store.

"Damn it." John muttered. He looked up at Dean and shook his head. "This damn cold of his, I wish to hell it would get better."

"Yeah, well so does Sammy, Dad. It's not really fun for him either." Dean said sarcastically, sitting down next to his father and looking over the open book John had just been reading. John looked at Dean, giving him a dirty look for being flippant, but then nodded in agreement.

"I thought he was getting better." John asked looking back to the bedroom the boys were sharing.

"He was, but we ran out of cold medicine yesterday and now we're out of tissues." Dean said knowing he was on John's last nerve about the Kleenex.

"If I give you some money, will you drive down to that little gas station and get something for him?" John asked before realizing what he just asked for.

"Ummmm Dad I'm only 13," Dean sat up eagerly. "But hey if you want me to drive the Impala, I'll give it a try."

"Nice try Tiger." John said giving Dean a smile. True Dean did know who to drive the car but still, he _was_ only 13. "You stay here, _I'll_ go down and get Sammy some medicine. We need anything else while I'm down there?"

"Um well we could use some more bread, and lunch meat." Dean said heading to the fridge and looking inside. "Maybe some juice or Gatorade for Sammy."

"Get some more Lucky Charms, Dad." Sammy called out from his bedroom, clearly listening in to John and Dean's conversation.

"Lucky Charms." John muttered with a smile as he wrote down the brief list. "Anything else?"

"Pizza, and chocolate milk." Sammy called out again before starting to cough again.

"You're pushing it kiddo." John called back to him. He put the list in his pocket and went into the cupboard where they kept the extra cash.

"We're getting kinda low, Dad." Dean said as he watched John take out a $10 dollar bill.

"I know Tiger, but as soon as we finish up here we can move on and I can get a job somewhere." John said acknowledging their dwindling funds.

"Yes sir." Dean answered knowing his father would try his best.

A short time later John returned with a small bag in tow. Setting it on the table, Dean reached in and started unpacking it. Pulling out the cold medicine he noticed it was for grown ups and not for kids.

"Hey Dad, I don't know if Sammy can take this." he said holding up the bottle and reading the instructions.

"I know Dean but it was all they had and I had to get your brother something. I figure we'll just halve the dosage and he'll be fine." John knew it wasn't the perfect solution but it was the best he could do given the limited supplies the little gas station had.

Just then Sammy came running out when he heard his father enter the kitchen.

"What you bring me? What you bring me?" Sammy shouted, dancing around the kitchen table. Dean held up the box of Kleenex and the bottle of cold medicine. Disappointed but undaunted, Sammy grabbed the paper bag and looked inside. "Hey you got Captain Crunch instead."

"Sorry Sammy, they were out of Lucky Charms, but keep looking, there's something else in there for you ." John said giving Dean a wink. Sammy reached inside the bag and gleefully pulled out a pint size carton of chocolate milk.

"All right… chocolate milk!" Sammy said opening it up immediately and drinking it down with one big gulp. Looking back at Dean, he realized his brother hadn't gotten any and was immediately sorry he had been so greedy with it. "Dean, I'm sorry, I should've shared it with you."

"It's alright dude, Dad already gave me mine." Dean lied not wanting his little brother to feel bad. "I did the same thing with mine Sammy, really I did."

Sammy looked at Dean suspiciously and then at his father. John couldn't look Sammy in the eye but Dean looked so sincere Sammy couldn't help but want to believe him.

"Sure Dean." Sammy said pulling the cereal box open. "Here, I'll let you have the prize instead."

"What ever dude, you'll only end up with it anyways." Dean said giving Sammy his big brother smile.

"Here listen, let's get some of this medicine into you." John said undoing the medicine bottle and pouring some into the little cup. Sammy took the offered cup and winced when he tasted the flavor of the medicine. Making a funny face he handed the cup back to John who rinsed it out and put it back on the bottle.

"All right Sammy, back to bed." John said taking Sammy by the shoulders and gently turning him around to face their bedroom.

"But Dad….." Sammy started to argue.

"No buts, back to bed." John said sternly but then gave him a smile. "Sweet dreams kiddo"

"Good night Dad, good night Dean." Sammy said running over to both of them and giving them each a quick hug. John hug Sammy back with the sad knowledge that soon his youngest son would be getting to that age where he wouldn't want to hug his father anymore. Dean still gave his brother hugs but with John, Dean had stopped years ago. John gave a quick glance at his oldest son and wondered when Dean had crossed the line between innocent child and jaded teen. Sadly John already knew _that_ answer. Without a word he patted Dean on the shoulder and went back to continue his research.

The next morning John woke up early and was pleasantly surprised to see the rain had let up, if only temporarily. After waking both boys, the trio loaded up the Impala and soon they were on their way up the mountainside to the coordinates inside the State park. When John figured they were near enough to the campsite he pulled over and parked the car. He looked up at the sky and swore out loud when he saw more storm clouds heading their way. The three of them stood behind the car unloading equipment when Sammy started to cough and sneeze again.

"Sorry Dad." Sammy apologized wiping his nose on his sleeve again.

"Did you take your medicine before we left Sammy?" John asked as he pulled out two shovels and set them next to the bumper.

"We left in such a hurry, Dad, I didn't get a chance to give him any but I did remember to grab the bottle." Dean answered cursing himself for forgetting to give Sammy his medicine in all the commotion of getting ready. He pulled the bottle from his pocket and handed it over to John. John sighed as he took the bottle and unscrewed the cap.

"Sammy, I don't know, you still seem pretty sick. How about you stay here with the car and rest while Dean and I go take care of business?" John said after handing Sammy the little cup half full of medicine. Sammy was about to protest but stopped as soon as he saw the look on his fathers face.

"Okay Dad." he mumble, disappointed. True the weather was about to turn crappy again and true he really wasn't feeling all that great but who didn't love watching some dead guy get his bones torched. Here he was about to miss out on the best part of the hunt again.

"Don't worry kiddo, you can toss the match on the next one." Dean said coming around and patting Sammy on the back.

"Yeah right, that's what you said the last time Dean." Sammy said looking down at the mud at his feet.

"Alright Sammy, back in the car." John said as he opened the door to the back seat. Tossing the medicine bottle in the front, John turned and waited for Sammy to get inside. Dejected Sammy reluctantly climbed in and immediately started to sulk in the back seat.

"Dean's right, you can get the next one Sammy, I promise. Now keep the doors locked and don't open them up for anybody " John said leaning down into the car. Not waiting for a reaction he closed the door and went back to grab their equipment. Sammy turned and watched them head into the forest and yawned as the medicine started taking effect. He sat back and continued to sulk until his eyelids began to droop and he drifted off to sleep.

A couple of hours later he woke up to hear pouring rain hitting the roof of the car. Looking around he couldn't see neither his father nor his brother and knew his father had to be pissed that it had started raining again. His nose started running again so he leaned up over the front seat and grabbed the bottle of medicine he knew John had thrown up there. The little cap fell off immediately and rolled under the dashboard much to Sammy's exasperation.

"Damn it." Sammy cursed then quickly looked around convinced that somehow his father would have heard him. "I guess if I just take a little swig it will be okay."

He undid the bottle and took a short sip. A few minutes later his head started swimming as the new medicine start to take effect. Trees that were blowing in the wind started to look dark and ominous and strange sounds started coming from the forest. Leaning back over the front seat, he popped the glove box open and took out the loaded .22 that John kept inside for extra protection. Hearing more noises he got out on the drivers side and looked around in the pouring rain, the gun pointed outward. Convinced that there was something out there, he climbed back inside, locked the door, and kept the gun in front of him.

Suddenly without warning, something big and black was at the side of the car, trying to get in. Sammy let out a blood curdling scream, pointed the gun at the window, and pulled the trigger.

Tbc


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: The first chapter barely got any response at all from you guys. Hardly any hits and only two reviews. I can only assume it's because everyone thinks it's not a good story. Even if you think it's not a good story, I would still rather hear a critical response than the crickets I heard chirping the other day. If you are taking the time to read this next chapter you have my profound gratitude.

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Summary: Some scars are external while others are carried forever inside. It's 1992 and something is about to happen to the Winchesters that will change their world forever, even if it's not apparent for many years to come. Hurt John with Dean and Sammy angst.

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John hadn't really given it another thought as he and Dean ran through the woods towards the car. The rain pouring down on them, John cursing, they both ran up to the car and tried to get in.

Suddenly there was a flash and John heard glass shatter in front of him. Something hit him in the left side and sent him flying to the muddied ground. Stunned, John tried to get up but was forced back down by a blinding sharp pain between his ribs. He gingerly touched his side and was shocked when his hand came back bloody.

"Son of a bitch." He yelled out as he touched his left side again. From inside the car he could hear Sammy screaming and John tried to get up again to see what was wrong with his youngest son.

"Dad! Dad!" Dean yelled as he ran from around the other side. The rain continued to pour down on them as Dean dropped down at John's side and looked in horror at the blood on his fathers hand and side.

"Oh my god Dad, what the hell?" Dean quickly pulled off his jacket and ripped off his over shirt. John fell back on the ground and lay stunned while Dean balled up his shirt and pressed it to his father's side.

"Sammy…" John said weakly as he pointed to the car. Suddenly Dean realized the screaming he was hearing was coming from his little brother inside the Impala. Jumping up he turned towards the car and was stunned to see Sammy facing him with a gun in his hand.

"Sammy, Sammy it's me! Sammy you have to put down the gun!" Dean tried to reason with the now hysterical Sammy in the back seat. "Sammy c'mon it's me, it's Dean. Put down the gun. Let me in."

Sammy's eyes were glazed with fear and shock as he held the gun menacing ahead of him.

"No…. no… Dad said not to let anyone in." Sammy said still not recognizing his brother.

"I'm not just anyone you idiot, Sammy I'm your brother, let me in" Dean commanded hoping his tone would somehow get through to his brother. Sammy continued to stare but then realization slowly came to him. He looked through the window at the worried face of his brother and then at the gun in his hand.

"Dean…..." Sammy yelled out, instantly dropping the gun in his hand. Dean quickly reached through the broken window and unlocked the door. Throwing it open, the first thing he did was picked up the dropped weapon and put the safety back on. Tucking it his waistband Dean looked at Sammy who had fallen back against the passenger side door, and crawled to the seat next to him.

"Dean… there's something out there. It tried to get in." Sammy said with a shaky voice, his eyes wide with fear.

"I know kiddo, I took care of it for you." Dean said trying to calm his brother down. Right away it was apparent to Dean that his brother had no idea who or what he had just shot at let alone that he had hit it. Dean took a quick look over his shoulder and saw John attempting to get up again. This time John was successful, though it took a lot of effort.

"Dad you okay out there?" Dean called out to his father who was now leaning against the back quarter panel of the Impala.

"Yeah, how's your brother." John said with a pain laced voice. He pressed Dean's shirt to his side harder. His legs felt weak and he knew shock was starting to set in. Dean knew that too. Sammy was still whimpering softly when Dean turned around and climbed out to check on his father.

"Dad we've got to get you to a hospital." Dean said as he checked on John. One look told him his father wasn't doing so well. Blood continued to pour out of John's wound and the older Winchester was getting paler by the minute.

"Get me to the front seat." John said weakly. Dean immediately moved to his father side and was about to turn him around when John stopped him and motioned to the drivers side.

"No way Dad, you're in no condition to drive." Dean said not believing his father was seriously going to attempt to drive.

"Got to." John said through gritted teeth. "No way in hell I'm letting you drive down the mountain in this weather."

"I can do it Dad, I know I can." Dean said convinced he could do anything at this point to save his father.

"It's too dangerous….mountains roads are a lot different than back roads and city streets. I know you think you can do it, but not this time tiger. Now help me in the car and don't say a word to you brother. If he sees you getting behind the wheel he'll know somethin's up." John said straightening up a bit and moving along the side of the car. Dean watched amazed as John gingerly lowered himself in the driver's seat.

Dean closed the back door and ran around to the front to jump in next to his father. Real fear was starting to set in for the teenager. Sammy was still out of it in the back seat and there was a real chance his father would pass out in the front. With great effort John started the car and put it in gear.

"Sammy put on your seatbelt." Dean screamed to his brother in the back before putting on his own. John drove slowly at first. Dean kept constant watch between the road and his father. Several times he was sure his father was about to pass out and was amazed when he didn't. It took them about an hour before they were once again at the bottom of the mountainside. By this time John was starting to weave a little and several times Dean almost had to grab the steering wheel to keep them from crashing off the road. John was beginning to lose his struggle to stay conscious. Looking down the road he saw the road had a scenic lookout up ahead and headed in that direction.

"Dean….stop the car…." he said weakly as his hands left the wheel and he fell back against the seat. Dean grabbed the steering wheel and pushed John's foot aside so he could stomp on the brakes. The car skidded to a halt just off the roadside entrance to the lookout and Dean quickly put the car in park.

"Daddddddd!" Dean cried out as he turned and saw his father now unconscious against the door.

"Dean what's wrong with Dad?" Sammy suddenly yelled from the back of the car.

"He's not feeling well Sammy, I think he's sick." Dean lied as he once again checked his fathers wound. The bleeding had not subsided in the least. In fact it looked like it might have gotten worse. Sammy bobbed up and leaned over the seat to see what was wrong with John.

"Damn it Sammy, just stay back there." Dean snapped at him pushing him back over the seat.

"Dean what's wrong with Dad?" Sammy asked again this time more frightened. Dean shot a look back at his little brother and tried to rein in his own fear before he spoke.

"I think Dad ate something bad Sammy. He's feeling so crappy he asked me to take over and drive us back to the motel." Dean said feigning innocence about what was really wrong with their father. "Just sit tight back there, Sammy. I'm gonna come around and move Dad over to my side of the car."

Dean climbed out, ran around to the driver's side, and gently moved his father over to the passenger side. Leaning him against the door, he checked his fathers pulse and was relieved to find it still steadily beating. Getting behind the wheel, Dean was dismayed to discover John had the seat all the way back to accommodate his tall frame. Dean was forced to reach underneath and pull the seat as far forward as he could. Confident that he could now reach the gas and brake pedals, he slipped the car in gear and slowly drove down the road.

Dean drove back to the motel with a precision of someone who'd been driving for years. Several cars passed, including a park ranger, but no one seemed to notice the young teen driving the black Impala. Pulling into the parking lot, Dean looked around to make sure no one was around to be watching them.

"Sammy here's the key Go unlock the door for me, would ya?" Dean said throwing the motel key in the back seat to his little brother. Still not sure what was going on, Sammy caught the key and jumped out of the car. He had the door wide open by the time Dean got their father out and was half dragging him into the room. Dean made sure he kept his fathers damaged side against his own so Sammy wouldn't see all the blood but the minute Dean laid John down it became immediately apparent what actually had happened.

"Dad!" Sammy yelled as he saw the bloodied shirt Dean was trying to hide from his brother. Dean didn't have time to stop and comfort his brother, he jumped into triage mode.

"Go get the first aid kit Sammy." Dean yelled as he started to pull away John's jacket and shirt. Sammy stood there shocked at all the blood that was now pooling on the bed.

"Damn it Sammy get the first aid kit, now!" Dean yelled again, pushing Sammy towards the bathroom where they kept the kit. Dean's words finally sinking in, Sammy ran off and quickly returned with the kit and all the towels they had in the bathroom. Dean's hands gently probed John's wound but even his moderate touch caused John to let out a low moan. The wound appeared to go have entered near the side of John's ribcage and exited out through the other side. Dean leaned down to check if he could hear wheezing coming from his father's lung, meaning the bullet had grazed it, and gratefully he didn't hear any.

Taking the kit from Sammy's hand he pulled out all the gauze bandages they had and pressed them against both sides of the wound. Immediately the bandages soaked through and Dean repeated the process again and again until he was forced to use the towels. Sammy sat on a chair near the bedside and watched as Dean worked in vain to stop the bleeding. Finally his face pale and his hand shaking, Dean stopped and turned to his little brother.

"Call 911." He said reluctantly, knowing John would not want him to have to explain to any authority figures what exactly happened up at the park.

"Nooooo…." John said weakly from the bed. "Nooooo…hossspitalll. Call Jim Murphy."

"But Dad, Pastor Jim is hours away and you don't have hours, you need help now!" Dean said frighten more that their father wouldn't last till Pastor Jim got there, than he was about the police.

"Nooooo hospital…thatttss annn ordderrr…" John leaned up and gave Dean a stern look. Still worried, but not wanting to disobey his father, Dean jumped up and ran to his father's journal where he was able to find Pastor Jim's number. The phone seemed to ring endlessly until Dean heard the one voice he hoped would be able to save his father.

"I'm leaving right now, Dean." Pastor Jim reassured before hanging up. Dean clutched those words like a lifeline. The next few hours seemed interminable until they heard the Pastor's car pull up and the older hunter entered their motel room.

"I'm here now boys, I'm here now." Pastor Jim said as he headed straight for the bed.

Tbc


	3. Chapter 3

Authors note: Thanks for the great response to my last chapter. I truly was beginning to doubt myself as a writer. You all have restored my faith, and I thank you.

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Time went by. Dean never left his father's side and Jim Murphy continued to work whatever medical miracle skills he had on the wounded hunter. He brought with him bags of plasma and other IV's which he quickly set up. He administered a morphine drip and Dean saw for the first time since the accident, the lines of pain erased from his fathers face. So engrossed in saving John's life, for a time Jim forgot that Dean and Sammy were within earshot and it wasn't until Sammy started to cry again that he even noticed them nearby.

"Dean, maybe you need to take Sammy into the other room, at least for the time being." Jim said about to begin stitching John's wound. Sammy ran to Dean's side and buried his head against his brother. Dean nodded slowly and turned to take the youngest Winchester out of the room. Jim marveled at the way Dean seemed to be handling things. He knew that being older, Dean was probably able to process what happened to their father a lot better than Sammy, but even so, it still had to be traumatic for the young teen. Left alone with a wounded father, trying to comfort a frightened brother, it was a lot to expect him to handle but he was handling it like a seasoned vet.

"_No…"_ Jim thought to himself. _"He's handling it like a hunter."_

There hadn't been anytime since he got there for Jim to find out what really happened. Clearly it was a gunshot wound and Jim said a quick prayer that neither of the boys had pulled the trigger. Whatever explanation was to be had, it would have to wait until Jim got the bleeding stopped and the wound sewn closed. Finally with the bleeding slowly halting, Jim taped a large gauze bandage over the wound and sat back exhausted. Wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead he wondered to himself how many times he had sewn up other fellow hunters and how many times would he have to in the future. As always, it was so much worse when they were a friend, and this terrible occasion was no exception. He'd known John for a few years now didn't want to have to tell his sons that their father wasn't going to make it. No, Jim was determined that that was never going to happen.

A short time later, Dean returned without Sammy and crept up the bed.

"Pastor Jim…..." Dean spoke with a frightened voice. Jim, who had been silently praying, turned to the young Winchester and gave him a reassuring nod. Dean let out a sigh of relief and come over to see for himself. John was sleeping relatively peacefully. His face no longer deathly pale, and his breathing was regular and steady.

"He's gonna be okay now son." Jim said as he watched Dean sweep some stray hairs from his father's forehead. That simple act of affection, so rarely seen between father and son, was usually used only when the other was not awake to appreciate it. It was endearing and sad at the same time. Jim knew Dean had seen his father hurt before, probably more times than necessary, but this time John had really come close to the edge. Dean reached down to check his fathers pulse before finally allowing himself to believe the crisis was really over.

"Dean where's Sammy?" Jim asked quietly, as he started to put away some of his left over medical supplies.

"I put him to bed." Dean looked up at Jim with a worried look on his face. "I don't know, something's wrong with him, Pastor Jim, and I'm not just talking about him and his cold. It's like he doesn't know what happened to Dad. He keeps talking about this big black monster that attacked the car. I think he thinks that's how Dad got hurt…..I don't know, it's like he's blocking out what happened."

"What _did_ happen, son?" Jim asked cautiously. It appeared that Jims worst fear was about to be realized, one of the boys _did_ shoot John. Dean looked back at the bedroom door where the boys were staying. Suddenly his face looked so guilty Jim was convinced it was Dean who had been the shooter. Jim could see him struggling to come up with an explanation. "Dean its okay, just tell me the truth."

"Sammy can never know." Dean whispered, still looking back at the door. "He thinks it's a monster and that's what I want him to think."

"Now Dean, lying isn't going to solve anything." Jim told the young teen moving to place a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't understand Pastor Jim. He can't ever find out, it would kill him." Dean said his eyes pleading for the cleric to understand.

"Dean what ever happened, I'm sure it was an accident. Were you cleaning the gun when it went off?" Jim asked.

Dean's eyes flew open wide. He was a heartbeat away from owning up to the crime when he looked into Jim's eyes and knew he couldn't lie to him.

"Sammy did it." he whispered, hanging his head down. His voice so silent Jim almost missed the admission. Jim stood there stunned as Dean's words sunk in.

"Mary, mother of Jesus." The cleric exclaimed.

"It was an accident, I swear to god Pastor Jim. It was raining hard, and we were running to the car and I don't know, Sammy somehow, for some reason got the spare .22 out of the glove box. Dad was on the drivers side and I ran over to the other side and suddenly I heard this bang, saw a flash and Dad was lying on the ground and Sammy was screaming………" Dean's voice cracked as he relived the moment. Jim reached over and drew Dean over to him trying to comfort the teen. "Dad got up and tried to drive us back to the motel but he started to pass out and I had to grab the wheel and stop the car. Then you know, I had to get us back to the motel in one piece. I managed to drag Dad into the motel room and I tried to do what I could for him, but you know, he was hurt so bad and I couldn't stop the bleeding. I wanted to call 911 but Dad said no."

Suddenly Dean's voice changed from frightened to angry.

"He said no hospital." Dean said looking up at Jim. "He almost died and if he had he would have left me and Sammy in the middle of Colorado with no place to go. How could he do that? What the hell was the thinking?"

"I can't tell you what you're father was thinking but I do know for sure he was trying to protect you boys. Hospitals have to report all gun shot wounds to the police it's the law. He knew they would ask too many questions and given that your father was the one that was hurt, you boys would have ended up in Child Protective Services. I know John, and that is the one thing he _will not_ allow to happen, you boys mean too much to him. That means you call me and I come and fix your father up. No cops, no hospitals, no Child Protective Services." Jim said with a certainty. He knew it never occurred to John that he might have actually died, just that if they did go get outside help, the boys would have been taken away from him. To John the thought of having his boys taken away from him was worse than the thought of dying.

Dean looked over at his father as Jim's words sunk in.

"Your father is hurt bad, but I got here in time. He's gonna make it, I promise." Jim continued.

"You promise?" Dean asked turning back to Jim. Dean's face looked so hopeful Jim knew he couldn't lie to him.

"I've got connections." Jim said nodding and pointing upward. Dean gave him a slight smile and nodded back. They stood there silent for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. Suddenly Dean yawned and Jim knew the day's events were finally catching up with him.

"Your fathers is gonna be sleeping for awhile now Dean, might I suggest that you get some sleep as well. After all, the last few hours have been pretty traumatic for you as well."

"Naw I'm good Pastor Jim." Dean said trying to stifle another yawn.

"Son you're exhausted. I'll order you to bed if I have to." Jim said with all seriousness. Dean looked up and knew the cleric meant business.

"I'm gonna go check on Sammy. If he's okay, then I guess I'll take a nap." Dean said inwarding cringing that he used the word _nap._ "You'll come and get me if Dad starts to wake up, right?"

"The minute he starts to wake up, I promise Dean." Jim said giving Dean a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Dean nodded and turned to go into the room the boys were sharing. Jim went back to John's side and checked his bandages to make sure they hadn't soaked through. Once done, he pulled up a chair and sat next to the bed to begin his night long vigil.

"Don't make me start breaking promises Johnny." He said to his unconscious friend.

tbc


	4. Chapter 4

Authors note: I'm sorry it's taken so long to post this next chapter. I've been wrestling with this one for a couple of weeks because I just can't make it come out right. You be the judge, I'm giving up. Thanks again for reading.

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The sun was just starting to come up when Jim looked up from the book he was reading and checked on John once again. Knowing the oldest Winchester was still unconscious, Jim took the opportunity to check on his wound and change his bandages. Once done, Jim stood up and stretched, his legs cramped up from sitting in one place for so long. The sun beckoned him through the window and Jim walked to the front door and opened it, peering outside at the new day. He said his morning prayers as the sun rose and marveled at its intense colors and majesty.

"_Truly there has to be a God to create something so beautiful_._"_ He thought to himself.

Returning to John, he was surprised to see that Dean had taken his spot at John's side. The young teen intensely watched his father, and was oblivious to Jim's return until Jim cleared his throat.

"Sorry Pastor Jim. I …I was just checking on Dad. He looks better this morning." Dean stated hoping the cleric would confirm his hopes. "He's gonna be okay isn't he?"

"I believe so Dean but you father still has a way to go. I just finished changing his bandages. The bleeding seems to have stopped, which is a good sign, and I've yet to see signs of infection which is even better. Still, I would feel more comfortable if we could convince him to see a _real _Doctor." Jim assured him adding the suggestion. Dean started to stand up to protest but Jim just waved him down.

"Don't worry, I won't do anything that without your father's permission, the damn stubborn bastard that he is." Jim said with a slight smirk. Dean couldn't help but smile at the accurate description of his father.

"Dean…." a small panicked voice suddenly spoke up behind them. Jumping up, Dean quickly ran over to where his brother stood at the foot of the bed. Sammy's eyes were wide as he looked at his father lying on the bed in front of him and tears started to spill down his face. "Oh my god Dean…..is….is Dad dead? It was the monster that attacked the car, it got Dad didn't it?"

"No Sammy no, Dad's not dead, I promise." Dean said quickly alleviating his brother's fears. "See watch, his chest is moving up and down, see. He's alive I promise."

Still wide eyed, Sammy moved over to the side of the bed to verify for himself what that his brother was right. Once he saw that his father was still alive, he turned to Dean, tears still wet on his face.

"Oh Dean I was so scared. I heard this noise outside the car so I got Dad's extra .22 out of the glove box and then this thing was trying to get in. Then I don't know, I heard this explosion and yelling and then you and Dad were there. Next thing I remember was Dad driving us down the road and he was hurt but I don't remember how he got hurt and you had to take the wheel…..." Sam closed his eyes trying hard to remember exactly what had happened.

For a moment Dean panicked. If he told his brother what really happened, he knew it would traumatize Sam for the rest of his life. For whatever reason, Sammy truly believed a monster attacked the car and now Dean's' only option was to lie and pray his brother would forgive him later if he did finally find out the truth.

Jim watched the wheels turning inside Dean's head. He too was worried the truth would be too much for young Sammy to handle, but even so, he didn't want Dean to have to lie to his brother. He was about to give his own explanation for John injuries when Dean shot him a frightened look. Jim grimly nodded in return and let the older boy do what he felt was necessary.

Dean tugged on Sammy's arm and pulled him away from the bed. Sammy continued to look back at John, even when Dean pushed him towards a chair and sat him down. Fear was clearly on the young boys face and Dean knelt down in front of him.

"Sammy, look at me." Dean said gently trying to get his brothers attention. Sammy looked back at Dean, his eyes wide, tears glistening.

"Yeah Sammy, the monster got to Dad but he's gonna be okay. Pastor Jim is here to make sure Dad gets all better, right Pastor Jim?" Dean explained looking back at Jim for confirmation. Jim still didn't approve of the lie but accepted Dean's decision to shield his brother from the truth.

"Your father is going to fine Sammy. I just gave him a few well placed stitches and he will be good as new in no time." Jim explained. Dean mouthed the cleric a silent 'thank you'.

"Sammy what else do you remember about what happened back in the car?" Dean asked, turning back to his little brother. He was desperate to find out just how much his brother really did remember.

"You and Dad left me in the car….and I don't know, I felt kinda sick, so I took more of that medicine. I know I shouldn't have Dean. Please don't tell Dad okay, cuz he'll be really mad at me." Sammy begged, worried he would be in trouble for taking the extra medicine. Dean reached up and ruffled Sammy's hair.

"You should have waited for me or Dad, Sammy. That medicine was for grown ups not kids. You could've made yourself really sick or worse." Dean started to scold but stopped when he remembered something worse really did happen, just not to Sam. "You were really lucky there kiddo. What else do you remember?"

"It was raining really hard, and the windows were all fogged up. I just went outside for a minute, I swear, but I couldn't see anything with all the rain coming down. Anyways I got back inside and next thing I know something was trying to get inside the car. Then I heard this loud bang, and then, I don't know what happened next, Dean. You were there and Dad was driving, but he looked kinda funny, and then we almost crashed and you had to take the wheel…..." Sammy went on a mile a minute as he continued to struggle to remember what really happened. "Good thing you and Dad showed up just when the monster did."

"Yeah Sammy good thing." Dean said agreeing with his little brother. It was clear to Dean that while Sammy remembered most of what really happened his mind was gratefully blank about the shooting and Dean was determined to keep it that way. Suddenly Sammy looked up to him with panic in his eyes.

"That thing that attacked the car, Dean, you don't think there were others, I mean, maybe they followed us down here."

"There was only the one Sammy, and I took care of it for you. No monster is gonna hurt any one of us anytime soon." Dean answered in full big brother mode.

"Good…..' Sammy answered immensely relieved. He motioned to the chair next to the bed. "Do you think I can just sit here next to Dad? I don't want him to wake up alone."

"Sure thing Sammy, besides me and Pastor Jim need to talk out here in the other room, okay." Dean nodding to Jim that he wanted to talk. "We won't be far Sammy."

"Okay Dean." Sammy said as he got up, sat down next to the bed, and looked down at John.

"Thank god…." Dean said as soon as they left the room.

"Dean this isn't right. You heard Sammy, he remembered everything up to the shooting. What if he suddenly remembers actually pulling the trigger, or worse. What if he remembers it was his father trying to get in the car, and not some 'monster'? " Jim argued back.

"I don't know Pastor Jim, I'll make up some kinda story, but what ever we do we can't let Sammy know he shot Dad. He's just 9 yrs old for god's sake, it will scar him forever." Dean was practically begging now.

Jim just stood shaking his head in disagreement. Sam was the son of a hunter and was certainly old enough to recognize a gun shot wound when he saw one. John's injury was far too serious to pass off as an _attack_ from any 'monster'. Plus what Dean was suggesting was going to be next to impossible if Sam decided he wanted to help take care of his father, as was usually the case. Sadly both boys had become experts in first aid over the years including gun shot wounds.

"So what do you plan on telling him?" Jim finally asked. Dean looked away and thought for a moment. Whatever story he was going to come up with was going to have to be short and sweet and not too complicated.

"I'm just gonna tell him it was something we didn't know about so we weren't prepared for it. Sammy knows all sorts of stuff live in those mountains so it shouldn't be too hard to come up with a 'monster du jour'. Maybe it was something that was mad because we had invaded its territory so it came after Sammy, and I don't know. Dad got to it first but he never had a chance against it and I was able to pull out my gun and kill it before it could hurt the rest of us. You know something like that." Dean answered pulling the pieces of his story together.

"You know I still don't approve of this plan." Jim said still shaking his head.

"I know Pastor Jim but it's the only one I've got now. I wish Dad would wake up, he would know what to do." and with that admission Jim was reminded that Dean was only 13 and all this coping skills were going to be those _of _a 13 year old. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder gave him a gentle squeeze.

"I'd say in a few hours time your father will wake up and then you and he can talk about this, but I truly believe your father will agree with me. If that happens I think you should let your father and I handle the matter."

"But Sammy will be scared, he'll need me there."

"I'm not saying you can't be there Dean, I'm saying you need to let us grownups handle the situation." Jim asserted. "By all means Sammy is going to need you. You're his big brother and he looks up to you. This is gonna have repercussions for years to come I'm afraid."

"That's what I'm afraid of. I don't want him having nightmares and stuff about this Pastor Jim. I don't know why he doesn't remember but I'm sure glad he doesn't. Why can't we just let him forget about it and go on?" Dean said poking his head back towards the room

"Because these things always have a way of coming back. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but some time and in ways you have no way of preparing for. If we tell him what happened now, then we can all give him the support he needs to accept what happened and maybe we can eliminate some unfortunate repercussions later on."

"I guess…." Dean admitted even though he didn't want to. Suddenly they could hear Sammy coughing and sneezing again. "Damn, I forgot in all this mess that Sammy's still sick. I'd better get him back to bed. I don't want him getting Dad sick too on top of everything else."

"I think for Sammy's sake you should forgo the cold medicine this time and maybe just let him have a couple of aspirin and some juice." Jim said as the two of them turned back to go inside the bedroom.

"I think I'm gonna go toss the bottle away, Pastor Jim." Dean said turning back around and heading for the front door. 'I'm not taking any chances this time.

"Good idea." Pastor Jim answered with a smile.

Getting the bottle from the front seat, Dean tossed it as far away as he could throw before returning to his father's side. Sammy put up a brief fuss but Jim promised him a new book on Ancient Civilizations if he went to bed and got some rest. Dean just rolled his eyes at how easy Pastor Jim was able to get his little brother to do what he wanted. It was never that easy for Dean. For Dean it always involved some sort of threat, maybe a tickle war, a pillow fight and then wrestling Sammy into submission. Sammy quickly agreed and ran back to his bedroom but not before giving John a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Feel better Dad." he said before turning away.

Smiling to himself, Dean sat back down in the chair next to his father and resumed his long wait until John woke up. It would be hours still, but he _too_ didn't want his father to wake up alone. Even though Pastor Jim was still there Dean knew, Winchesters always stick by their own.

Tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Pastor Jim and Dean both took turns for the next few hours, each taking a nap when it wasn't their turn at John's side. Sammy, when he awoke, was glued to Dean's side and just as anxious about John's condition as his older brother.

Jim was the one nearby when John finally opened his eyes. It was slow and painful and the first thing John did was look around the room for his two sons. Jim saw his anxious look and quickly moved to alleviate his fears.

"The boys are in the next room Johnny and they're both okay." Jim said patting John on the arm. "You on the other hand gave us quite a scare."

John started to lean up but was stopped by the pain in his side as well as Jim's hand .

"Damn it Jim what the hell happened?" John asked laying back down.

"You were shot." Jim answered simply but quietly. He knew that Sammy could come in at any moment and didn't want the young boy to hear what he had to explain to his father.

"I get that Jim, what I'm fuzzy about is what the hell happened after that. Not that I'm not glad to see you but it was that bad that Dean had to call you all the way from Minnesota." John asked grimacing as he moved around some more.

"Apparently you thought so Johnny. You were the one that told him to give me a call and thank god he did or we wouldn't be talking here." Jim admitted giving John a nod.

"That bad eh?" John asked looking up at his old friend.

"Even worse John. That boy had to sit by your side for hours waiting for me, knowing you could have died at any moment, desperate for help. But you, you _ordered_ him not to take you to the hospital. What the hell were you thinking Johnny? What would that have done to Dean if you had died before I had gotten here?" Jim admonished John. "He did everything he had to, but what if I wasn't reachable? What if I had been off on a hunt on my own, and not up in Blue Earth tending my parish? That boy obeys you to the letter and your last order was to call me and not get the authorities involved. Damn it John if you had died, the authorities would have _definitely_ been involved because both your boys would have ended up in State care."

"You would have never let that happen." John said with certainty looking up at his old friend.

"That is not the point and you know it. It would have taken days maybe weeks for me to prove familial rights even with the paper work we set up long ago. By then the boys could have been separated or worse. Damn it John it was an accident and easily proven, why would you take such a chance?" Jim was truly angry. He knew John's second greatest fear was that both the boys would be taken away. It rivaled his one true fear that he wouldn't be able to protect them from the darkness he'd spent his life hunting. Still, knowing how seriously hurt you are and not allowing your son to take you to the hospital was truly inexcusable on John's part and Jim wasn't ready to forgive him for that just yet.

"Bless me father for I have sinned." John said with a sly smile hoping to get Jim to calm down. Jim responded with a huff and was about to launch into another lecture when the door opened a crack and Dean poked his head inside.

"I heard voices, Dad thank god you're awake." Dean said with a smile looking inside the room. John motioned weakly letting Dean know he could come inside. Instead of coming up to the side of John's bed Dean stood at the foot and hung his head.

"Dad…" Dean started to explain but stopped not sure where to begin. Jim could clearly see Dean was about to take full responsibility for the entire event even though none of it was his fault. He made a quick move to stop the young man from shouldering the blame.

"Dean I think this can wait till later. Why don't we let you father get some rest and you both can talk later." Pastor Jim suggested. He noticed John had rested back on the pillow with his eyes closed. That alone told him that John wasn't up to hearing the details of his injury just yet. Dean grimly nodded and was about to turn and leave when Sam suddenly burst in the room and ran up to the bed.

"Dad! Dad! Oh thank god, I was so scared when the monster got you. But its okay cuz Dean took care of it for us, didn't you Dean?" Sammy launched into his version of the events before either Dean or Jim could stop him. Dean shot Jim a panicked look and glanced down at John who was giving the two of them a bewildered look.

"Dean was great Dad, you should have seen him. He got you in the passenger seat and drove the rest of the way here and then he carried you inside, and I don't know, there was so much blood, and Dean couldn't make it stop and then Pastor Jim showed up…….." Sammy continued at break neck speed.

John struggled to sit up and pushed Jim's had away when the Cleric tried to push him back down.

"Monster?" John asked weakly giving Dean a 'what the hell' look.

"Yeah Dad, it was big and black and it attacked the car but Dean was there right after it got you and didn't let it get near me. He protected me just like he always does, didn't you Dean?" Sammy went on not seeing the looks his father was giving his brother and Pastor Jim.

"Dean report!" John suddenly commanded. Dean shot Jim another panicked look. His pulse raced a mile a minute in sheer terror. He couldn't explain what had actually happened, not in front of his brother.

"Dad, ummm" Dean started and stumbled. He couldn't, he couldn't do it. His need to protect Sam overrode his fear of disobeying his father. John leaned up even further, grimacing as the pain intensified in his side. Jim, afraid he would burst his stitches, took matters into his own hand.

"John Winchester, just what the hell do you think you are doing? Lay the hell back down will you before I have to strap you down." He yelled at his old friend immediately taking the attention off Dean and on to himself. John fell back on to the bed immediately giving Jim a surprised yet pissed off look. Jim then looked over at Dean.

"Dean take you brother into the kitchen and make him something to eat, your father and I are going to have a little talk" Jim commanded the stunned middle Winchester. Sam jumped back and gave Dean a frightened look. For as long as they had known Pastor Jim he had never raised his voice to either Dean or Sam. Dean quickly nodded to Jim, grabbed Sammy by the arm, and led him out to the kitchen.

"Jim what the hell is going on?" John asked weakly as soon as the boys left the room.

"Johnny something terrible has happened." Jim started to explain in a quieter voice, and then moved to hush John when he started to interrupt. "You know you were shot, I know you do. What you don't know is that Sammy is convinced it was a monster that attacked you and the car. He has absolutely no memory of pulling the trigger and thinks that's how you got hurt. Now Dean is so afraid that it will scar Sammy for life if we tell him the truth that he's willing to go along with that story."

"And you're willing to go along with it as well?" John asked instantly concerned for both his sons.

"Of course not. I've always advocated the truth you know that, but I have to agree with Dean. What ever you decide to tell Sam, if you tell him the truth it _will _be very traumatic for him. If he realized you almost died because of him the ramifications could go on for years."

"So that's what's got Dean all freaked out? That boy..." John asked shaking his head. Then another question came to mind. "Is there a specific monster that attacked us or is it just some generic monster?"

"What difference does that make John?" Jim asked not sure where John was going with his question.

"If I decide to let the story stay the way it is now Jim, some day Sammy might ask about what kind of monster attacked me and I think that I should have some sort of an answer." John mulled the idea of not telling the truth to his youngest son. Sam was only 9 and for sure in those 9 years he had seen more than most adults but this was different, Sammy was special. John knew it, and Dean knew it, that's why they tried so hard to protect him. John's last piece of Mary. He and Dean both tried to keep Sam from the more horrible aspects of hunting and planned on doing that until he was a little older. Ironically it was John who taught Sam to fire a gun for the unforeseen times that, god forbid, he didn't have protection from his father or his brother. Who knew Sam would choose to use it on John himself, even if the kid believed a monster was attacking him.

"John you can't be serious?" Jim asked not believing John was going to go through with it. "That boy has to be told the truth. You, Dean and I, we can all get him through it."

"Not your decision to make Jim. Maybe someday, a few years from now, I'll sit him down and tell him what really happened but right now….I think Dean's right….Sammy's not ready to hear the truth."

"I don't agree but he's your son John. If we are going to continue with this _charade _might I suggest that we talk about it as little as possible?" Jim offered not hiding his anger at John's decision. "No sense in taking any chances that one of us slips up."

"Agreed. Now if you think it's alright, I'd like to see my sons now." John replied curtly though he regretted his rudeness immediately. He wasn't really angry with Jim. He knew his old friend was right but he also knew his youngest son. Dean had the right idea. Protect Sam, and deal with the consequences later.

John waited till Sam wasn't around and filled Dean on the plan. He could see the relief on Dean's face when he told him they would continue with the 'monster' story for as long as they could.

They spent the next week letting John rest and recuperate with Jim leaving for Minnesota after a few more days of being his doctor. At Jim's suggestion, John and the boys traveled to Blue Earth and spent the rest of summer staying with him. Hunts were temporarily called off, though John occasionally did research for Jim's, and the boys were left to run around and just be boys. For weeks John watched for signs that Sammy was remembering what really happened. He knew Dean and Jim did as well, but Sam went on as if the shooting never happened. Protected by his family, Sam for years never knew what lengths they went to make sure he stayed as innocent as they could keep him.

The days were warm, the nights starry clear and soon enough the incident in the mountains was forgotten.

Or was it.

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Authors note: I can't decide whether to end it here or give it one more chapter set a few years later where Sammy finds out the truth. What do you think, should I continue or let it stay the way it is? Thanks for reading and let me know what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's notes: Well you asked for it, and you know I'm more than happy to give it to you. You all wanted big emotional scene and I hope I did it justice. It's the kind of scene I wish they could have had at some point on the show but now it's too late and we will never get it. Well what is fan fiction for if we can't have them doing what they can't do on the show.

My original story idea didn't have Sammy shooting John, but shooting Dean instead. It was one of my failed fics that I started last year and set aside when I couldn't get it to work out right. As we all know, Sammy shot Dean for real on the show, so I didn't really want to do that again in this story. Besides, I couldn't get the logistics worked out. The basic story was the same as this one except it started in the present where Sam found out the truth and then Dean had to explain what really happened. The rest of the story was told in flashback and much shorter than this one turned out. Try it as I could I just couldn't make a decent story out of it. One day I pulled it back up and started to approach it from a different angle. This is the result of that. I know this chapter is long but it is the conclusion so I think you all will forgive me. Thanks for taking the time to read and many thanks to all who have reviewed or who will do so after this chapter.

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Months went by. What nightmares Sam after that day were few and far between and to John's relief, never about the shooting, or so he thought. John went back to his hunts, none the worse for wear. Dean continued vacillating between being John's right hand man and his big brother routine of watching Sammy. He never strayed far from his brother, always vigilant, always awake at a moments notice if Sammy happened to cry out in the night.

One night, while John was off chasing down a routine spirit, Sam woke up screaming, terrified about something in his closet. Dean did his best to comfort the terrified 9 yr old but Sammy continued to shake and wouldn't go back to sleep until John came home. Without thinking, John reached into his duffle bag and pulled out his spare .45, telling the young boy it would protect him from anything that could possibly be in the closet. Sammy stood there shocked as he looked down at the gun. He'd expected his Dad to at least go open the closet to make sure it was safe but no, John just told him he was old enough to protect himself and left it at that. Exhausted from his hunt, John didn't give it another thought and never notice the terrified look on Sam's face as he walked back to his bedroom with the gun in his hand.

Dean saw the look though. He took the gun from Sammy's hand, made sure the safety was still on and put it in their shared nightstand. Sammy spent the rest of the night in Dean's bed with the closet doors wide open and the lights burning brightly. He stared all night between the closet and the nightstand never knowing which scared him more, the gun or the monster. Dean laid awake as well waiting for the questions he was positive Sammy was going to ask. They never came. Two days later they moved on and Sam never had another dream about a 'monster in the closet'. John figured it was because Sam had the .45 and thereby felt he had some protection against it. Dean knew otherwise. Sammy never touched that gun after that night and when they left, Dean carried it along with his stuff.

After Christmas they ended up in Blue Earth again. John had a hunt nearby and Jim welcomed the visitors even though the winter was particularly bad and they had to spend the majority of their time inside. It was business as usual for the Winchesters. Jim set up a sort of gun range in the church's garage and training continued despite the frigid weather. The first thing Jim observed was how much time Sam spent time in his library and not out with John and Dean doing weapons training. He noted while he watched, that Sam had subconsciously developed an aversion to guns. He wondered if John had also noticed and brought it to John's attention one day when they were alone.

But Jim didn't have to tell John his observations, John had noticed the same thing himself. When Jim brought up the fact that it was probably the result of the shooting he and John got into a serious shouting match. John remained adamant that Sammy not be told about the shooting. They almost got came to blows before Jim relented and allowed John, as Sam's father, to make the final decision. Jim didn't like it, but then neither did John. Sammy had to know how to handle a gun, their lives could possibly depend on it someday. What if Sam never wanted to fire a gun again? John was not willing to accept that possibility.

More than once he had to push Sam to resume his weapons training. Dean as usual tried to make it easier for his little brother. They took turns challenging each other on who was the better shot. Dean was by far, but none the less, Sammy managed to win a few target practices himself. John observed their training and was glad to see Sam had retained his skills despite the lack of practice. Days went by and Sam begrudgingly fell back into their normal practice routine without any further problems. Still there was something strange about firing a gun for Sammy, something that nagged in the back of his head. Being only nine, he just shook it off and assumed it was because his father had been on him about his training. After another heated conversation with Jim, John relented regarding the target practice and allowed Sam to spend as much time as he wanted in Jim's library. To John's surprise it paid off. One day Sam came out with a book of Latin and translated it so perfectly even John was impressed. Relieved, Dean was just glad Sam had found something he was good at that took the focus off of guns.

After almost of week of being cooped up, John allowed the boys some down time. It was a moment of weakness he regretting shortly after. While Dean and Sammy were out enjoying the winter wonderland, Dean sustained a serious head injury falling on some ice. Combined with the subsequent hypothermia it was touch and go for days and John spent every waking hour at Dean side. Jim kept an eye on Sam while John spent hours at the hospital. He was fully prepared for this new tragedy to awaken bad memories of the last one for Sammy and was more than troubled when it didn't. Jim thought about voicing his concerns again but knew John had more than enough on his plate and let it go. John's only thoughts were about Dean and his recovery and rightfully so. The shooting was never mentioned again for the duration of their visit.

Years went by. The boys now 17 and 21 were more involved with John's hunts and more than a few times they had to shoot their way out of a situation. Dean fell in line and never gave John a moment's trouble regarding his training and the constant moving around. Sammy on the other hand just got more resistant to the whole idea of hunting the older he got. Training was purposely forgotten, weapons conveniently left behind, and opinions never voiced before were now shouted between John and himself. More than once Dean had to separate his brother and father when they scuffled about what ever the current issue was. Sam wanted a normal life and a normal life did not revolve around "shoot first ask questions later." John, just as stubborn insisted, no ordered Sam live up to his obligations and hunt with them. Dean could only watch as it went down hill from there.

After a practically grueling hunt, they all came back to their rental house battered and bruised. Dean was limping, his right shoulder wrenched after being tossed down the stairs. Sam was mostly banged up, having missed the bulk of the attack by the poltergeist. John on the other hand, managed to get himself thrown through a window and was bleeding from various cuts all over his body. Normally it would be Dean's duty to stitch everyone up but with his shoulder all screwed up it was decided Sammy could manage just as well. Most of John's cuts weren't that deep and Sam just bandaged them up. Left with a couple of the deep ones on his fathers left side, Sam pulled out the suture kit and went to work.

That was when he noticed the scars and right away he knew what had caused them.

"Dad when did you get shot?" Sam asked innocently. In all the years they had been hunting, not once did he remember his father getting shot. Slashed, knifed, and tossed, with more than a few broken bones but never shot, Sammy was sure of that. Dean shot John a terrified look.

"It's nothing." John answered gruffly, aware that Dean was staring at him.

"Nothing? Dad, this looks really bad. How come I don't know about it?" Sam asked immediately concerned. "Dean did you see this?"

"Yeah dude I did." Dean answered desperate to find a way to change the subject.

"Sammy just drop it, it happened a long time ago." John ordered his youngest son.

"Dad what the hell? I mean this looks serious enough that you could have been killed, at the very least you probably ended up in the hospital, and gun shot wounds don't heal overnight. When ever this happened you were laid up for weeks afterwards, maybe longer. Where the hell was I?" He looked at his father waiting for the answer to his questions.

"Sam I'm ordering you to drop it….Now!" John said shouting a little too loudly. Winching as he pulled on some of the deeper cuts, he took a deep breath and looked over at Dean. Dean just stood there like a deer in the headlights. For years he'd been doing what ever it took to keep his brother unaware of what happened that night and now in right in front of him, his whole family was about to explode. He looked over at Sam and knew his brother wasn't about to give it up.

"Dad just tell him….." Dean whispered, his voice shaking a little.

"Dad tell me what?" Sam demanded. John remained quiet, still looking at Dean. Dean returned John's glare and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"It happened when you were nine…." Dean started but was interrupted by John.

"Dean…" John hissed.

"Dad it's time….. He has the right to know." Dean started again.

"Know what Dean? Jesus what the hell happened?' Sam demanded again. Dean started to falter but then took another deep breath and continued.

"Do you remember the summer we spent up at Pastor Jim's place, the one right before I got my noodle whacked on the ice that next January?"

"Yeah, sort of…." Sam closed his eyes and tried to remember back that far.

"Do you remember why we were in the first place?" Dean asked hesitantly. Sam opened his eyes and looked between John and his brother.

"Dad got hurt and we laid up at Pastor Jim's until he got better." Sam acknowledged. He didn't remember much about that summer, just having fun with Dean on Jim's property and spending time in Jim's library. Things were quiet. He remembered they didn't go hunting because John was still recuperating.

"Do you remember _how_ Dad got hurt?" Dean asked slowly. The moment of truth was upon them now. Sammy still looked puzzled. He vaguely remembered John being hurt, then suddenly he remembered something about a monster attacking the car.

"We were up in Colorado. You and Dad went off to do a salt and burn and left me back in the car. All I really remember is I was sick and Dad made me take this really disgusting cold medicine." He stopped and scratched his head. "Then I don't know, this thing, some sort of monster, attacked the car just as you and Dad were getting back. I remember Dad got hurt pretty bad, and you had to drive us back. Then Pastor Jim showed up to help us take care of him. After that I'm not sure what happened."

"Dad wasn't attacked by a monster." Dean said it so softly Sam wasn't sure he had heard him correctly.

"What?" Sam shook his head. What the hell was his brother trying to tell him? He looked at John for clarification.

"Dad wasn't attacked by a monster…." Dean said again, this time a little louder. Sam continued to look at his father and was shocked when John nodded, confirming what Dean was saying.

"What do you mean Dad wasn't attacked by a monster, what the hell was it then?. I mean it tried to get in the car, and I had to get Dad's .22 out of the glove box and then there was a loud bang………." Sammy suddenly stopped dead. His eyes flew open wide in terror.

"I shot Dad…………." he whispered sinking down on the floor.

Sammy……" Dean got up and tried to move over to his little brother but Sam just shoved Dean's hand off when he reached down to touch his shoulder. Jumping up, Sam spun around and looked at his father.

"Dad, oh my god it was me……it wasn't a monster…. I'm the monster……" Sam sobbed, tears welling up in his eyes.

"Sammy stop!" John commanded getting up as well. He grabbed Sam by the shoulders and held him in front of him. "It was an accident, a stupid, stupid accident. You had no idea what you were doing. It's my damn fault for giving you that stupid cold medicine in the first place. You were so sick, I should have just left you and Dean back at the house. If I had just listened to your brother, none of this would have happened, he knew how sick you were. I just wanted to get the damn hunt over with and get back on the road. You know what the ironic thing is Sammy……we never got a chance to burn that bastards bones. By the time we found the damn corpse it was pouring again, I couldn't get a single match to stay lit. The whole thing was one big screw up from start to finish."

Sam continued to look at John, tears rolling down his face.

"Dad I could've killed you…." He said with a hitch in his voice.

"It wasn't your fault." John said pulling Sam close to him. Sam returned the gesture, wrapping his arms around his father and sobbing into his shoulder.

Dean watched as his father and brother reconciled the tragedy that almost ended his family. He wiped away his own tears as his father continued to comfort his brother. After a moment, Sam pulled away and looked over at Dean.

"You knew…the whole time you knew…." Sam said wiping away his tears. For a moment he was beyond angry that his brother would have kept something this serious from him. One look at Dean how ever changed his mind. Dean would never have hidden something this serious from him out of malice. No, it was another way of protecting him, like Dean always did. Sam reached out and pulled Dean over to the two of them. After a few minutes the three Winchester men pulled apart and dried their respective tears.

Things got better for awhile after that. Wounds healed, scars faded. Sam made a solemn vow that day that neither Dean or John would ever be in that position where they would have to protect him from anything ever again. John took it as sign that Sammy would make hunting his full time priority and was grateful his youngest son would be at his side. Dean too interpreted his vow the same way and for a while Sam allowed them their belief.

In truth Sammy had other plans and they didn't involve hunting. No longer was he going to let them protect him… from anything. No longer was he willing to watch his father and brother get banged up on a hunt. No longer was he willing to sit back and watch the rest of the world live their normal lives while he was out saving the world from _darkness_, as his father put it one day. Soon enough he started to pull away once again from his family's chosen lifestyle. Once John figured it out they had terrible battles. Line were drawn, words were spoken in anger and regret and in the end the one thing John had always feared the most came true. They lost Sam. They lost Sam to normal. They lost Sam to a future that didn't include them. What they didn't know is they had lost Sam long before that fateful night when he packed his bag and slammed the door.

All they had left after that night were more scars and no one escaped unscathed.

The End.


End file.
